It's Not Easy to Forgive or Forget
by tropigirl09
Summary: What if Bella chose Jacob instead of Edward, but it was the wrong choice? Will Edward take her back or has he found someone new? Bella x Edward! R&R Please!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own anything (plots, characters, credit) from the Twilight Saga, all credit goes to the author, Stephenie Meyer.

It's Not Easy to Forgive…or Forget

**(This story takes place 2 years after Eclipse, but instead of choosing Edward, Bella chose to be with Jacob).**

"Hey Bells, wait a minute," Charlie's voice came from the living room.

I turned from the front door and headed into the tiny room to find Charlie sitting on the couch, television remote in hand. He flicked the baseball game that was flashing across the screen off.

"I have a card for Jake, would you mind giving it to him for me?" He asked as he leaned towards the paper-cluttered coffee table, searching for the card.

"Sure, no problem," I was willing to do almost anything Charlie asked me to do. He had been in an all-too-good mood for the past couple of months and I didn't want to upset him. I knew the reasons for his cheerfulness – he was more than delighted to hear that Jacob and I were officially together. He had always favored Jacob over Edward – always – and he had never forgiven Edward for leaving me three years ago. But that's a painful memory and I didn't want to dwell on it now, it's in the past.

I'm happy now, sort of. I'm done with high school, finally, and I have the most loving boyfriend a girl could ask for. It wasn't easy getting here. Last year I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had to choose between a guy who I loved more than the world, but who had hurt me more than once and a guy who would always love me and had never hurt me. At the time, it felt impossible to make such a choice, but now, I don't regret what I did, at least that's what I tell myself every time I think about it. I had to say goodbye to Edward.

It hurt at first, it felt like the hole in my chest had once again returned. But I had already made my choice and Jacob, comforting and loving Jake, was there to make it bearable. I don't know when it all happened, or even how, but now he was the most precious thing in my life. I haven't seen or heard from Edward, or any of the Cullens for that matter, which is probably a good thing, I think. I know I hurt Edward, and I was sorry for that, very sorry, but he told me to choose and that he would respect my decision. I doubt his family will ever forgive me for what I've done. I can only hope, pray, that he is okay now. The memory of that day still haunts my mind. I can see his beautiful face all too clearly. The hurt in his eyes. It makes me cringe every time I think about it.

"Here you go," Charlie said as he handed me the envelope that contained Jacob's birthday card. "Make sure to tell Billy hello for me."

I took the card and headed towards the door, "Sure thing dad. I'll be back before midnight."

"Okay Bells, have fun."

It was pouring outside, like usual. I hurried across the street and jumped in my truck. Once safe inside, I took the cards out of my rain coat and set them on the seat, noticing that a few raindrops had managed to drip on them in the process. My old truck roared to life and headed down the road to Jacob's house.


	2. Chapter 2

I pulled my truck into the small driveway that was situated next to the Black's home. I could hear several voices coming from Jake's makeshift car garage. I walked through the doorway and spotted Jake immediately. He obviously saw me as well because he was standing in front of my in a matter of seconds.

"Hey there, Bella," he said as he opened up his arms for me. He was wearing cut off jean shorts and a tight red t-shirt. His dark eyes were fully excitement and happiness.

I instinctively I ran into them and rested my head against his strong chest. "Happy birthday Jake," I muttered.

"Thanks Bella," he whispered in my ear. "I love you."

My heart stopped beating for half a second. That was the first time he had said that to me, well the first time since I said goodbye to Edward. "I love you too," I said in a voice barely audible. And I meant it, I wouldn't have said it if I didn't. But part of me felt like it was very wrong. Edward was the last person I had said that to…

(flashback)

"Bella, it's okay, I won't blame you if you decide to be with him instead of me. I want you to do what makes you happy. He can give you things, things you want, things I can't give you. You'll be able to stay with Charlie and your mom…have a family of your own." He looked away as he said the last part.

"Edward, stop – " I tried to interrupt be he put an icy finger to my lips.

"I'll always love you Bella, no matter what you decide. You can have a normal life with him. I saw the look on your face when you kissed him…" His voice trailed off and he took a deep breath.

I ducked my chin, breaking the hold his soft, topaz eyes held on mine. He was right, I couldn't deny it and my chest ached. He was right. There was something…something between Jacob and me, something I had never felt before, something I wanted. I also knew the only way I could stay with Edward was if he made me like him, and he had made it perfectly clear that he had no intention or desire to do it. I knew what I had to do. I had to make a choice, a choice between two people I loved, inevitable hurting one of them. I felt the tears well and pour down my cheeks. I knew who I was going to choose, and who would get hurt. I didn't want to do it.

Edward touched my cheek softly with the back of his hand to wipe the tears away. "Bella, please don't cry. He'll take care of you, he loves you. It's okay."

He didn't need to convince me any further and I couldn't argue with his words. I had already made my decision, but that didn't comfort me at all, my heart still felt like it was breaking. Somehow he knew what I had chose.

Edward kissed my forehead and hugged me one last time before letting me go. "Goodbye Bella, I promise everything will be okay. You'll be safe and happy. I won't be able to hurt you anymore. You deserve better than that." He turned and walked away. His face and voice showed no emotion, but his eyes betrayed him. They were full of hurt and despair.

"Edward, wait – " I stammered, the hysteria evident in my voice. The full force of my choice was finally sinking in and I wasn't sure what to say. I couldn't go back on my decision, it was too late for that, but I needed to make sure he would be okay.

He stopped, but he didn't turn around to look at me, which made my chest ache even more. He obviously didn't trust his ability to conceal his emotions anymore and didn't want me to see how much this really affected him.

"What about you? You have to promise that you'll be okay, that you won't do anything….stupid," I stopped, remembering what he had almost done in Italy almost three years ago.

"You don't need to worry about me anymore, Bella," he said in a soft tone.

I wasn't satisfied with that answer, so I tried again, "Edward, promise me. I couldn't live with myself if you, if you…" I couldn't say it. I didn't even want to think it. Even if we weren't together I didn't want to imagine this world without him in it somewhere. He was still important to me, more than he probably knew.

He didn't say anything, but just nodded his head, his back still to me. Seconds later, he was gone.

My knees buckled and I slumped to the ground, the realization of what I had done filled my eyes with tears. I couldn't breathe. I don't know how long I had been lying there, but suddenly a pair of strong arms wrapped around me. They weren't the cold, marble arms that were so familiar and comforting to me. They were warm and soft. It was Jacob.

(end of flashback)

A tear escaped and rolled silently down my cheek, but it didn't go unnoticed. Jacob let go of me instantly.

"What's wrong?" He asked with concern.

"I'm sorry, Jake, it's nothing. It's just the last person to say that to me…" I stammered trying desperately to explain myself.

"Shh," he said softly. "I know."

I buried my face in his red t-shirt and he again wrapped his arms around me.


	3. Chapter 3

I quickly gained control of my emotions and pulled away from him, "I'm sorry Jake, I didn't mean to…on your birthday."

He gave me a wide forgiving smile.

I pulled the two cards out of my raincoat pocket and handed them to him. "Happy Birthday, from Charlie and me. The yellow one is from Charlie."

He took the cards and reached for my hand, pulling me to the chairs that were set up all around the garage. We sat down in a corner and Jake opened his cards. Charlie tossed a $20 bill inside his. My card was empty.

"I have something for you, Jake, but it's not finished yet. It's not anything amazing or anything – " I started to explain but he interrupted me.

"Uh-oh, you _made_ me something?" He asked _in_ mock horror. "This can't be good."

"Yes, I _made_ you something…and it's not _that_ bad." He gave me the 'I don't believe you look', as if it really was _that_ bad.

"You, with scissors, or glue, or God forbid, a hammer… I'm surprised you made it here in one piece."

I scrunched up my nose, "Ha-ha, very funny. And for your information, I didn't use a hammer… the scissors were a bit of a challenge though."

"I'm sure I will love it," Jacob said as he put his arm around me. "Whatever it turns out to be," he added with a snicker.

"Food's here!" I heard a loud booming voice call.

Jake and I both looked up to see Larry Clearwater walking through the door with a large foil-covered tray. No questions were necessary, everyone knew what we were having for dinner – Larry's famous homemade fish fry. He was followed by his wife, Sue, and son, Seth.

"I wonder where Leah is. Did she say if she was coming?" I asked Jacob.

He just shrugged, "I didn't ask her."

I knew Jacob and Leah didn't get along very well, so I was hoping that she had decided not to show up. I didn't want him getting into any arguments and turning into a wolf in the middle of his birthday party, and Leah was just the person to set him off. But that hope was shattered, a few seconds later, she came through the door. It took me a minute to realize that it was actually Leah, though. Instead of her normal jeans and baggy t-shirt, she wore a pink sundress. Her honey-blonde hair, which was usually pulled into a pony-tail, hung around her face in soft wisps. I think she even wore a bit of make-up.

"Wow, she actually looks really nice," I said as I turned towards Jake. He obviously noticed too, his eyes never left Leah. "Do you want to go say hello to the Clearwaters?" I asked. But he didn't answer me, he just stared, like he was in some kind of trance.


End file.
